Sara Culler

I remember the humid air buzzing of locusts and then getting hit by the air-conditioning's perfect temperature carrying the aroma from the most splendid foods you can imagine and the sound of a grand piano playing.

I could have been about three or four and going to The Northwood Club with my American grandmother and grandfather to drink, eat and swim was one of my favorite things to do. For those of you who don't know what a Country Club is I'll explain. A Country Club per definition is a private club with recreational activities like golfing, tennis, swimming and spa. You generally have to apply or be invited by someone and it's pretty expensive. Since my grandparents were pretty wealthy they could afford such memberships. They later moved to Dallas Country Club but that's a whole other story that is wonderful and I'll tell you about it some other time.

It was me in a pink and white, small checkered dress and golden locks entering the dining area. Suddenly the music stopped and a man popped out his head from behind the piano. He looked at me and started to play again. This man - Lets call him the piano man - Always played my, at that time, favorite tunes. The musical songs "Send in the Clowns" from A Little Night Music and "Memory" from Cats. Mom and I requested the songs once and EVERY single time I entered the room after that the piano man would play them. My favorite of the two was "Send in the Clowns".

I turn 30 on July 23rd this year. I'm sitting here writing this and I'm listening to Judy Collins version of "Send in the Clowns". Her voice has that brittle sound and it aches of empathy. You might know her from her backing vocals on Leonard Cohen's "Susanne". He's one of my all time favorites but that too is a whole different story that might appear here sometime. I'm in a sentimental and existential period of my life right now so listening to the song is kind of hard. The song is about the classic theme of two people parting but in my head and in this time of my life it could just as well be about parting from a place, life or era that has come to an end. That is where I'm at right now fortunately with David by my side. We could surely use some clowns around here.

I wonder what he's doing now - The piano man. Is he alive? He would probably be my father's age so I guess if nothing has happened to him, that he would still be alive. I get moved every time I think how this man made the little girl happy - How he made me happy by playing these songs. He made me feel so special. Did he know that? Does he know that now - 27 or so years after - I sit here, moved to tears. Thinking about what he did for me makes my heart warm - Still - After all these years.

I might just record a cover of "Send in the Clowns" one day. I wish I knew his name - The piano man. If anybody knows anything about him - The man who played piano at Northwood Club in Dallas, Texas sometime in the beginning of the 80ies - Let me know.

/Sara