Is religion trying to tell me something?

The sun is out but I feel like shit. When is all this going to come to an end? When will I be strong enough to let go, release and let things be? Come to peace.

This year four years ago I was diagnosed with skin cancer - The most lethal form of cancer there is. I was lucky they caught it on time and I only required two sessions of surgery. A few years before that I tore the ligaments and meniscus in my left leg and got extremely ill when a blood clot followed and I had to eat blood thinners for half a year. A few years before that I had surgery because they found a big tumor on my thyroid (sköldkörtel). All these events strangely enough happened the week around Easter every one of the years. I think that can add to the fact that I always feel easily vulnerable around this time. Maybe this is religion trying to tell me something - Team up with Jesus or something like that. Unfortunately I'm a cynic. I tend to paint things in black rather than hoping for a positive change and start to believe in Jesus, the universe or whatever is out there and that is dangerous when it comes to the illnesses I've had. I have to learn to hope again. If I can't stop the negative feelings in my life caused by others OR myself I might get ill again. I need a change... I miss my friend, Ginny. She lives on an island off the coast of Seattle in the US of A. That's just way too far away...

I'm going to go down in the basement to do some laundry and maybe after that I'll go sit on a bench in the park like some old person...

David wrote a lovely piece of what his fist two albums actually were about - His mothers death. It's in Swedish. Aren't we a jolly couple???

Posted by: grant

I once spent two weeks, not continuously that would be painful on my pelvic bone, sitting on a bench in front of a lake at a national park because I couldn't find a single reason how to choose where I should have been over that spot.

There is a bench at the Iowa State fairgrounds (the United state's largest state fair) with an older woman carved totally out of wood on half of it. I think we all have soft spot for her.

Posted by: Sara

Hey Grant!
Thanks for your warm comment! I would love to see that wood lady - Sounds like a figure I could save a space for in heart!
Finding that place that absorbes your everything can mean more than 10 years of going to a shrink. I think a lot of answers are to be found within the simple things in life. The things that are easily accessible. Right in front of us. Like sitting on a bench in front of a lake in a national park or sitting on a park bench in Malmö, Sweden. Sometimes we are just too blinde or blinded to see.
Thanks again for your comment!

2008-03-29 @ 11:01:41
Posted by: Magnus J

Heja Sara!

2008-04-13 @ 13:24:12

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