Sara Culler

I just wanted to write something. I'm still here. Need to regroup. Austin, Texas, USA. LIFE. LOVE. LIVE.

Big thoughts to all of you.
Love,
Sara

My Linköping show went well. People were really nice and seemed to like what they heard. Ace hotel with wonderful gym + swimming + sauna + lovely breakfast in the morning.

Now I'm choking reading and thinking about the shows I'll try to play with my husband. Will there be enemies? At some of the venues I know there will be… Spies that will tattle tale… Or at least hunt and fish for juicy things to gossip about. Maybe I could be invisible and give them nothing… Oh gosh… Help…

When will I ever feel comfortable enough to start to make music again and when will I ever feel the courage to be on stage?

I pay 650 Swedish Kronor (77 US Dollars) for one 45 minute therapy session/week. That is 2600 Swedish Kronor/month which is 31200 Swedish Kronor/year (307 US Dollars/month and 3688 US Dollars/year). Holy CRAP! This is a LOT of money - Money I still think THEY should pay + then some for the damage done…

Will this move help? I'm sure it will help some but I will NEVER forgive nor forget. Not that I think that they would ever have the self-insight to realize how much wrong they've done, but anyway… Let's all blame the witch and let her burn. And all the stupid ones are left to believe the lies that are out there… But just like The X-Files' Mulder said -
"The truth is out there". The truth is out ther too... You just need to ask the right source - But people haven't… Not with the right intentions anyway...

Well. What I have been wanting for so long is now a fact. I'm moving back to Texas and I'm taking my lovely husband David and our beautiful black cat Beppe with me! We are leaving at the end of July! But I will of course keep on with this page! The city of Austin, Texas will be our new home.

There is a lot of hope and optimism with this move. I might even start to feel inspired again when leaving this cold and uninspiring climate. Start to write songs again and even record the hit songs I wrote but never felt the trust and self-esteem in almost two years ago.

It will be nice to go out to have a beer and watch a band again - Not hiding and avoiding bad-wishers and ill-seekers. Feeling life evolve, inspire and progress - Not the opposite. Not being in the shadow, not being ignored but being in the light, being acknowledged.

I look forward to the sun a lot. Not feeling like I've stepped out of a cave as soon as spring hits - Just like everybody does here. Depraved. I look forward to kindness and open arms. Good food and great company. I will miss family and friends here but they will always be there for me 'cause they are equally as good as the sun.

I already feel more inspired - Who knows what might come out before we depart!

Hugs to all of you,
Sara

I've been recording with my husband David (David Fridlund) off and on now and it's going to be one hell of a record. The best songs he's written EVER!!!

I've also been working on a major change in life - BIG CHANGE! Everything is ready and I will no longer be where I have been for such a long time… Cryptic? I'll let you know soon. All I can say is that it's about geography…

Hope you all stay true - More exiting things to come…

Sara

So it's been a while. I still don't know what to write but I thought I'd write you all a short note just to say, "I'm not gone".

In some ways I've slipped back into my old self. You know the one that's questioning every single face I see around my neighborhood - Are they poisoned by their lies? The bad people that hurt me to death some years ago now - They STILL hurt me. The people with NO insight into themselves. The bullies that finally drove me to radical actions towards myself. The people not worth anything but they got my attention and obviously still gets it... They knew - 'Cause I told them, you told them and they told them - But did they listen, could they see? No - They just kept to their own story, spread it with the wind and Internet - So how could I know? How could I know who's filled with the wrong story? How can I trust anyone?

/S

It's a strange thing internet. What an archive. Lots to find... Today I stumbled upon things from what is turning out to be a very dirty, dingy past. I saw photos with interactions enhanced by comments and more vivid explanations in text. How I was right with my gut feelings at the time. Sometimes it's like I feel that I have an unexplored sixth sense - Knowing the hidden intentions and interactions of people - A sense that I'd rather live without. But hey - Superheroes don't always like their powers right?

I wish my sixth sense would be a mind that could cut through clouds - 'Cause Malmö is GRAY. Gravity pulls down and is assisted by the gray and damp pressuring down upon faces of the Swedish people. No smiles, no twinkle in their eyes. It's easy to become one of them. It's easy to become a zombie-like figure who crawls around town in black, beige, dark blue or brown winter jackets. Forgotten all about colors. Only when they once or twice a year buy a ticket to some place somewhere around the Mediterranean or Thailand. That's when they kind of wake up - Only to return to normal on the flight home. It's a heavy load being a Swede - I don't blame them.

Pods. That's right. They are captured in pods. This is why they don't let the truth shine through. And my sixth sense is that I can see through their pods. The dirty and dingy that's being revealed. I wish they were more honest in their life. It would make things a lot easier - It would have made things a LOT easier in the past. I try to be "what you see is what you get" - I don't change that much in different environments. I'm pretty much the same at home, when I'm at a party or when I'm sweating in the yoga studio. I don't change that much in interactions with different people. I don't hide feelings, opinions and thoughts inside - One way or another they come out. The hardest part is to not be affected by the lies and evil that comes out of the others. I try to think - It'll be their problem to live with the lies and knowledge knowing the hurt some of them have caused. I try to be happy, keep a smile close by and a twinkle in my eye - It works most of the time. I can't be dishonest and I don't hide in a pod. Because of my superhero powers I can't but I will always be able to see you...

I bet it's still beautiful. The weather report shows thunderstorms but they never show up. It's a golden city, Austin. Golden smiles, golden hearts and golden souls. Homesick is the word. There is a lump in my chest big as the state of Texas and not an hour goes by without a teary eye. Here the city is gray. I choose to use my brown tinted sunglasses to make things look a bit more colorful. I'm thinking back and I'm thinking of the future. This is what has been and also what is to come. The chapter here is over, finished, done.

I'm setting to get into a Epsom salt bath. It's a quarter past twelve at night and a new week has started. This Saturday David and I fly to Austin, Texas via Chicago. It'll be great. Autumn is in the air but I hope she doesn't hold her grip with the little brisk wind tomorrow when I plan to head down to the open air bath here in Malmö. A little sun. A little swim. Maybe I can tape some salt water to my skin, like a nicotine patch, this winter. To digest summer through my skin. Please help me make, manage this time of year one more time. Again.

David is lovely.
/Sara