Sara Culler

I just wanted to write something. I'm still here. Need to regroup. Austin, Texas, USA. LIFE. LOVE. LIVE.

Big thoughts to all of you.
Love,
Sara

My Linköping show went well. People were really nice and seemed to like what they heard. Ace hotel with wonderful gym + swimming + sauna + lovely breakfast in the morning.

Now I'm choking reading and thinking about the shows I'll try to play with my husband. Will there be enemies? At some of the venues I know there will be… Spies that will tattle tale… Or at least hunt and fish for juicy things to gossip about. Maybe I could be invisible and give them nothing… Oh gosh… Help…

When will I ever feel comfortable enough to start to make music again and when will I ever feel the courage to be on stage?

I pay 650 Swedish Kronor (77 US Dollars) for one 45 minute therapy session/week. That is 2600 Swedish Kronor/month which is 31200 Swedish Kronor/year (307 US Dollars/month and 3688 US Dollars/year). Holy CRAP! This is a LOT of money - Money I still think THEY should pay + then some for the damage done…

Will this move help? I'm sure it will help some but I will NEVER forgive nor forget. Not that I think that they would ever have the self-insight to realize how much wrong they've done, but anyway… Let's all blame the witch and let her burn. And all the stupid ones are left to believe the lies that are out there… But just like The X-Files' Mulder said -
"The truth is out there". The truth is out ther too... You just need to ask the right source - But people haven't… Not with the right intentions anyway...

Well. What I have been wanting for so long is now a fact. I'm moving back to Texas and I'm taking my lovely husband David and our beautiful black cat Beppe with me! We are leaving at the end of July! But I will of course keep on with this page! The city of Austin, Texas will be our new home.

There is a lot of hope and optimism with this move. I might even start to feel inspired again when leaving this cold and uninspiring climate. Start to write songs again and even record the hit songs I wrote but never felt the trust and self-esteem in almost two years ago.

It will be nice to go out to have a beer and watch a band again - Not hiding and avoiding bad-wishers and ill-seekers. Feeling life evolve, inspire and progress - Not the opposite. Not being in the shadow, not being ignored but being in the light, being acknowledged.

I look forward to the sun a lot. Not feeling like I've stepped out of a cave as soon as spring hits - Just like everybody does here. Depraved. I look forward to kindness and open arms. Good food and great company. I will miss family and friends here but they will always be there for me 'cause they are equally as good as the sun.

I already feel more inspired - Who knows what might come out before we depart!

Hugs to all of you,
Sara

I've been recording with my husband David (David Fridlund) off and on now and it's going to be one hell of a record. The best songs he's written EVER!!!

I've also been working on a major change in life - BIG CHANGE! Everything is ready and I will no longer be where I have been for such a long time… Cryptic? I'll let you know soon. All I can say is that it's about geography…

Hope you all stay true - More exiting things to come…

Sara

It's a strange thing internet. What an archive. Lots to find... Today I stumbled upon things from what is turning out to be a very dirty, dingy past. I saw photos with interactions enhanced by comments and more vivid explanations in text. How I was right with my gut feelings at the time. Sometimes it's like I feel that I have an unexplored sixth sense - Knowing the hidden intentions and interactions of people - A sense that I'd rather live without. But hey - Superheroes don't always like their powers right?

I wish my sixth sense would be a mind that could cut through clouds - 'Cause Malmö is GRAY. Gravity pulls down and is assisted by the gray and damp pressuring down upon faces of the Swedish people. No smiles, no twinkle in their eyes. It's easy to become one of them. It's easy to become a zombie-like figure who crawls around town in black, beige, dark blue or brown winter jackets. Forgotten all about colors. Only when they once or twice a year buy a ticket to some place somewhere around the Mediterranean or Thailand. That's when they kind of wake up - Only to return to normal on the flight home. It's a heavy load being a Swede - I don't blame them.

Pods. That's right. They are captured in pods. This is why they don't let the truth shine through. And my sixth sense is that I can see through their pods. The dirty and dingy that's being revealed. I wish they were more honest in their life. It would make things a lot easier - It would have made things a LOT easier in the past. I try to be "what you see is what you get" - I don't change that much in different environments. I'm pretty much the same at home, when I'm at a party or when I'm sweating in the yoga studio. I don't change that much in interactions with different people. I don't hide feelings, opinions and thoughts inside - One way or another they come out. The hardest part is to not be affected by the lies and evil that comes out of the others. I try to think - It'll be their problem to live with the lies and knowledge knowing the hurt some of them have caused. I try to be happy, keep a smile close by and a twinkle in my eye - It works most of the time. I can't be dishonest and I don't hide in a pod. Because of my superhero powers I can't but I will always be able to see you...

I'm setting to get into a Epsom salt bath. It's a quarter past twelve at night and a new week has started. This Saturday David and I fly to Austin, Texas via Chicago. It'll be great. Autumn is in the air but I hope she doesn't hold her grip with the little brisk wind tomorrow when I plan to head down to the open air bath here in Malmö. A little sun. A little swim. Maybe I can tape some salt water to my skin, like a nicotine patch, this winter. To digest summer through my skin. Please help me make, manage this time of year one more time. Again.

David is lovely.
/Sara

I'm proud to announce that I've been married to my dear David for two weeks now! June 27 was our day and we will remember it forever! Our closest family was there - mother, father sister, brother and everybody got along so well.

I will write more posts some other day. Summer is here and sitting inside at the computer isn't a priority.

Hope all of you are well!

Hugs,
Mrs. Sara Culler (no name changed)

Do you speak the truth to me when I stand like an island in a stream where everything is passing me by
when I stand in the shadow
like clinging to the frame of a picture when everybody always comes to see the picture and not the frame.

Have I been living a lie when believing in myself and what I do
or
have the good words just been white lies to comfort the poor disbeliever who is me?
Have I been a good child, a good daughter, a good sister, a good person, a good friend, a good fiancée, a good musician, a good yogini?
Have I been what I want to be?

I know I have wasted the last ten years on a lot of things that stole my peace
a lot of meaningless acquaintances
or
at least that's what they feel like right now.
I know they've shaped me
Eroded me like some stone figure in the Grand Canyon.
Am I beautiful now?
Am I a figure or Am I sand?

Trying to recreate my person from scratch.
To what?
Into whom?
Like a flower petal blooming they say.
That's why I bend, bend and bend up to the sun but there are clouds.
They didn't mention the clouds!
How can a flower petal bloom without the warmth of the sun?
How can it grow, change and evolve?

/Sara



A REAL post below so please continue...