Going Blank Again
Except from it being one of the greatest CD:s released in the history of music thus far it's also the expression of me at this point in my life... I'm totally losing my self-image. That's how powerful alienation can be. I'll explain myself a little better.
A lot of great things have been happening to me recently. All of it's got to do with my music and getting the attention from different places. Getting the attention from different places that you didn't expect to get attention from is a self-esteem boost. Gradually you find yourself leaving the "close-to-bitter-and-for-yourself-and-others-invisible" person behind. Blossoming. Happy.
This is great to feel but it's also addictive. The need for confirmation. This need is particularly strong if you don't have the backup and support from the people close to you. And these days I have about three or four…
Basically it's weird being around a big bunch of people, people you thought where a part of your alliance and no one asks, congratulates or even mentions the fact that your second gig ever will be opening for Juliana Hatfield AND getting paid for it (sorry long sentence). The thing that is really hard for me to understand is HOW people can do so?!? I've always tried to be encouraging to the ones I consider friends and a main thing there is to be supportive and glad for them when something good happens to them. Basically - I'm always interested in my so-called friends or acquaintances whereabouts and find it common sense to be interested in their work or life in general.
All in all. This is when you realize that you can have whatever BIG news happening around you but if the people in your everyday life totally ignore you or don't care or whatever it is that makes them alienate you from socialization and encouragement - then you loose your self-image. You go blank. Again.
We are - whatever anyone "strong" and "secure" would contradict - the product of the world around us. The world around us is constantly changing and beings change with it. I guess I'll have to wipe out all that is my self to not be affected but then we wouldn't have my music, right?
Maybe me going blank again will fuel yet another great gathering of songs. For the time being I'll tape a portrait of myself to the mirror until the day comes that I can see myself with true and flawless eyes. Right now they are just like Ride's CD cover - two cucumbers…
David, Oppenheimer, Futia and Mango - HEART.
Love to friends,
Sara
A lot of great things have been happening to me recently. All of it's got to do with my music and getting the attention from different places. Getting the attention from different places that you didn't expect to get attention from is a self-esteem boost. Gradually you find yourself leaving the "close-to-bitter-and-for-yourself-and-others-invisible" person behind. Blossoming. Happy.
This is great to feel but it's also addictive. The need for confirmation. This need is particularly strong if you don't have the backup and support from the people close to you. And these days I have about three or four…
Basically it's weird being around a big bunch of people, people you thought where a part of your alliance and no one asks, congratulates or even mentions the fact that your second gig ever will be opening for Juliana Hatfield AND getting paid for it (sorry long sentence). The thing that is really hard for me to understand is HOW people can do so?!? I've always tried to be encouraging to the ones I consider friends and a main thing there is to be supportive and glad for them when something good happens to them. Basically - I'm always interested in my so-called friends or acquaintances whereabouts and find it common sense to be interested in their work or life in general.
All in all. This is when you realize that you can have whatever BIG news happening around you but if the people in your everyday life totally ignore you or don't care or whatever it is that makes them alienate you from socialization and encouragement - then you loose your self-image. You go blank. Again.
We are - whatever anyone "strong" and "secure" would contradict - the product of the world around us. The world around us is constantly changing and beings change with it. I guess I'll have to wipe out all that is my self to not be affected but then we wouldn't have my music, right?
Maybe me going blank again will fuel yet another great gathering of songs. For the time being I'll tape a portrait of myself to the mirror until the day comes that I can see myself with true and flawless eyes. Right now they are just like Ride's CD cover - two cucumbers…
David, Oppenheimer, Futia and Mango - HEART.
Love to friends,
Sara
Comments
Posted by: Mango
Blev rörd av att finns nämnd i den texten! Tack Sara! Jag hoppas nu kunna ge dig ännu fler bra nyheter till din musik. Jonny-spelningen är inställd, och jag kan finnas till ditt förfogande i Stockholm de där datumen du var intresserad av.
/Mango
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